The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of Fabulousness
by Overlord Rousdower
Summary: "Nine companions... You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!" "No." "Excuse me?" "I think we should call ourselves... The Fellowship of Fabulousness! And for Eru's sake Elrond... this dwarf has to go!" Elrond massaged his temples and leveled a glare towards the wine loving Elvenking. "If you don't like the dwarf, then you shouldn't have volunteered, Thranduil."
1. Chapter 1

_To his Majesty the Elvenking Thranduil of Eryn Lasgalen~_

 _Lord Elrond of Imladris has summoned a council to gather, on the twenty-fifth day of October, T.A. 3018 concerning the dark times that are quickly descending upon us. We have received guests who hold an item that may turn the tides in our favor. Lord Elrond requests that you send emissaries immediately, so that we may discuss the best course of action, and unanimously come to a decision regarding this grave matter._

 _~ Lindir of Imladris, at request of Lord Elrond of Imladris_

 _10 October, T.A. 3018_

 **oOo**

Thranduil narrowed his eyes at the offending letter.

"What is the fool up to now? Received an item… pah!"

With an indignant huff, the Elvenking carelessly tossed the letter to the side and lifted his crystal glass to his lips. Drawing back in horror, Thranduil stared disbelievingly down into the empty crevices of his cup.

"Galion!"

Seemingly out of nowhere, his butler appeared at his shoulder.

Thranduil merely twitched the hand holding his goblet, and it was refilled. "Took you long enough," the silver-haired monarch muttered sourly as he took a delicate sip.

"My lord, if I may be so bold as to ask… who do you plan on sending to this council?"

Thranduil turned his head to find Galion holding the letter just recently tossed. Rolling his eyes Thranduil pondered the question, albeit reluctantly.

"I suppose I could send Legolas…" Thranduil huffed.

"My lord I must object to that," Galion said firmly.

"Hn?" Thranduil hummed, too focused on his wine for a coherent verbal answer.

"He has been rather unruly lately… He attempted to coerce the guard into venturing past the borders just last week."

"And nobody thought to tell me?" the Elvenking leveled a glare at his unfazed butler.

"No, my lord. We were distracted by the young Prince attempting to steal the cookie jar."

Thranduil's head thudded onto his desk. "Oh for Eru's sake…" He held out one of his hands and motioned for the letter. Once it was placed in his hand, he lifted his head and reread it.

"'…an item that may turn the tides in our favor…' what could that cursed Noldorian be talking about…"

There were several moments of silence as the Elvenking pondered over the words before him.

"Prepare Tarukka… I want an entourage as well. I'm not going to show up like some wayward scum."

"My lord? When I said not to send Prince Legolas I wasn't-"

"Silence!" Thranduil snapped, before casually leaning back in his seat. "I'm bored. Let this be Legolas' extended politics lesson or something… I'm going to attend the council myself. Besides.. I don't trust my child within five feet of that Noldorian hovel unattended."

"Maybe it would be best if the Prince got out…"

"No."

"My lord-"

"No! Prepare my entourage!"

Galion bowed his way out of the room, wondering why he ever opened his mouth in the first place.

 **A/N; *mutters* I just can't stop posting new stories can I? I JUST CAN'T. NO NO NO. *holds head in hands* THE VOICES. AGH.**

 **Ok so, this was inspired by some art I found on DeviantArt by frecklesordirt and I laughed so hard... Go check it out, you'll know it when you see it LOL With a little poking from Wunderkind4006 I bring you this *flourish* Updates will be rare** ** _at this point in time_** ***as you can see by looking at the list of unfinished stories I have***

 **This may be thorough, or just major scenes.. Kinda up to you guys rather I do a more thorough coverage, or would you like to see just the major scenes?**

 **Review! Favorite! Kinslaying!**

 **Rousdower out_**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N HELLO. I'M UPDATING OME. *fireworks***

 **I had a lot of fun writing this, though I really hate using script. Hopefully this won't be too boring! Expect some sassy Thrandy, and because I love him, Glorfindel is here too. For this chapter at least.. *sigh* Thank you's to my reviewers at the bottom! (HOLY COW EIGHT REVIEWS *celebrations*)**

 **P.S. LIKE MY NEW NAME? *cough*ithasnothingtodowithmyplansofworlddomination*cough***

 **P.P.S. I suspect FF is doing things to my chapters, so let me know if there are any major grammar things. I'm too tired to read over it LOL**

 **oOo**

The council sat in awkward silence as they awaited the arrival of the missing member. Someone coughed a little too loudly and heads simultaneously turned to stare accusingly at Frodo, who immediately ducked his head in shame.

The sound of two pairs of footsteps drifted into the midst of the small group. Gallon first made an appearance, looking immensely frustrated and carrying three bottles of wine. Thranduil followed, an expression of disinterest on his face and the typical glass of sophisticated alcohol in hand. His robes swept fabulously behind him, and a few elves barely concealed the look of jealously at the sight of his beautiful, royal blue tunic. Taking a seat next to Galion in the only remaining chair, Thranduil looked cooly in the direction of the leader of the council.

Elrond didn't even bother to hide his exasperation as he rose from his seat and began his monologe. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate–this one doom. _"_ Elrond gestured to a pedestal seated in the center of the circle of chairs. "Bring forth the Ring, Frodo."

Frodo slowly got up and slowly walked to the pedestal, placing a golden ring on it. Thranduil narrowed his eyes and sat forwards, intently staring at the ominous, yet familiar, jewelry. Galion intently wished that Thranduil would not open his mouth, and he thanked Eru that his wish was granted after there were a few moments of tense silence.

A mortal opposite the Elvenking murmured, "So it is true…" and Glorfindel muttered, "The Doom of Man…" under his breathe.

The mortal spoke louder this time, standing and saying excitedly, "It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not use this Ring?" He began to pace. _"_ Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the Enemy. Let us use it against him!"

Thranduil rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. That's _nothing_. You know _nothing_ , Boromir, son of Denethor. Do us all a favor and quit pretending as if you do."

Boromir bristled and stared at the Thranduil with narrowed eyes, opening his mouth to snap at the elf when Aragorn spoke, vaguely echoing the snide words of the Elvenking, "You cannot wield it! None of us can. The One Ring answers to Sauron alone. It has no other master."

Boromir turned and sneered at the ranger, saying angrily, "And what would a ranger know of this matter?"

Thranduil took a sip of wine before saying snidely, "Aragorn- if this is indeed him- is the son of an honorable man. Far more honorable than most. I knew him once upon a time… Though I didn't particularly care for him, despite his honor… Arathorn, I think his name was." Staring pointedly at the rash mortal across from him, Thranduil took another smug sip of his wine.

Boromir stared with wide eyes at the ranger. "Aragorn? This… is Isildur's heir?"

Thranduil merely shrugged noncommittally as he gestured for Galion to refill his glass. "If my memory serves me correctly, this boy is the heir to the throne of Gondor." Aragorn looked slightly offended.

"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king," Boromir huffed as he sat down.

Mithrandir spoke from beside the hafling. "Aragorn is right. We cannot use it."

"You have only one choice. The Ring must be destroyed," Elrond said sternly.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Thranduil observed with distaste as the smelly dwarf who had growled out the words, rose from his seat, ax in hand, and swung said weapon with a (rather weak, in Thranduil's opinion) cry towards the ring. The pathetic piece of living rock was thrown backwards, much to the Elvenking's satisfaction, and his ax was shattered into multiple fragments. Everyone else was staring warily at the Ring.

Taking yet another smug sip of wine, Thranduil returned his gaze to Elrond as he began to speak. "The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin by any craft that we here possess. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came."

The name Gloin rang a bell far in the back of Thranduil's mind, and he casually scrutinized the rest of the group of uncouth trolls, his eyes resting on one who looked particularly familiar, who was returning his gaze with a look of venom. Ah yes. Dungeons. Thranduil chuckled to his self, receiving strange looks from those seated nearby. The Ring seemed to cast out a menacing whisper and their attention was immediately drawn away from the Elvenking's amusement.

Elrond was looking around intensely. "One of you must do this."

No-one spoke.

Boromir was the first to break the silence. "One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. And the great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!"

"Shut up," Thranduil muttered under his breath. Galion discretely hit him in the arm, fully prepared for any later reprimand he may receive.

"I suppose the Noldor is right. We shall have to destroy it if we want to get anywhere with our lives," Thranduil said, slowly turning his glare from insubordinate butler to the rest of the room.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?!" the particularly stupid dwarf named Gimli shouted as he leapt to his feet.

"Watch your tone dwarf," Thranduil sneered, staying seated. "Better I than you're sorry hands!"

Boromir also stood, saying vehemently, "And if we fail, what then?! What happens when Sauron takes back what is his?!"

He was ignored as Gimli snarled, "I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf!"

Thranduil finally rose to his feet, the other elves following suit, indignation bristling as he pointed at the dwarf. "I _said_ watch your tongue!"

"NEVER TRUST AN ELF!" Gimli hollered and Thranduil went to grab his sword, only to have it snatched away by Galion who ran behind some nearby bushes and hid.

The wizard also rose, attempting to speak over the mayhem. "Do you not understand that while we bicker among ourselves, Sauron's power grows?! None can escape it!"

One of the men threw in his own, "You'll be destroyed!" for good measure.

The hafling remained seated, staring, petrified at the ring on the pedestal as the argument grew increasingly intense. Especially between the elves and the dwarves, Thranduil in particular catching the eye as he flapped his majestic robes threateningly.

"I will take it! I will take it!"

Everyone freezes, slowly looking towards the Hobbit.

"I will take the Ring to Mordor. Though.. I do not know the way," Frodo said.

Aragorn stood. "If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will." He kneeled before the small creature. "You have my sword."

Thranduil glared suspiciously at the dwarves, before deciding he couldn't pass up the opportunity to make a point. Sidling over to the hobbit he said majestically, "And my weapons as well. I have too many to name at the moment, so we shall say 'bow' for the sake of simplicity." Frodo looked alarmed.

Gimli growled and stomped over, glaring up at the Elvenking. "And my ax!" Thranduil sneered down at him.

Boromir took his time walking over, but he got there eventually. "You carry the fates of us all, little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."

Suddenly, another Hobbit hopped out of the very bushes Galion was currently sneaking refuge in. "Hey! Mr. Frodo is not goin' anywhere without me!"

Galion was too busy hyperventilating from the realization he had not been alone in those bushes to really know what was going on.

Elrond looked vaguely amused as he said, "No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not."

Two more hobbits appear from behind the pillars and Thranduil wonders how many more will bleed out of the works as he watches them run down the steps shouting, "Wait! We are coming too!"

Thranduil stared down his nose in distaste as they came to a stop directly in front of him.

"You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!" said the one to the right.

The one directly in front of the Elvenking added, "Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest… thing."

Thranduil rolled his eyes again.

"Well that rules you out Pip," said the other one.

Thranduil decided it was worth it, once he saw the look on Elrond's face, as he he slowly began to say, "Nine companions… So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!"

Well, Thranduil could absolutely _not_ have that.

"No."

Elrond's look of horror was unequal. "Excuse me?"

"I think we should call ourselves... The Fellowship of Fabulousness! And for Eru's sake Elrond... this dwarf has to go!" Thranduil said, glaring down at the dwarf who was returning his look of disgust with equal vigor. Several dwarves in the background loudly voiced their displeasure at the statement.

Elrond massaged his temples and leveled a glare towards the wine loving Elvenking. "If you don't like the dwarf, then you shouldn't have volunteered, Thranduil."

"I volunteered first!" the Elvenking protested. "He's just being a competitive little…" He trailed off as he saw Glorfindel holding his wine bottle in a threatening position over the floor.

"I would have offered either way," the dwarf protested.

"Liar…" Thranduil hissed down at the little furry germ.

"I am no such thing!" the dwarf hollered.

"Everybody just calm down…" the golden-haired elf, who had so far stayed rather quiet, attempted to appease.

The bickering continued.

The distinct sound of breaking glass caused everyone to freeze.

"My _wine_!" Thranduil gasped. "Why you reincarnated, pretty-faced, _nadorhu-_ "

Glorfindel held up the one of the other bottles that Galion had abandoned. "Don't… finish that sentence," he whispered menacingly. Thranduil eyed him, acid practically flowing off of him.

"Now," Elrond said hesitantly, attempting to diffuse the situation. "Why don't we all have a little lunch. I'm sure we'll feel much better afterwards…"

He trailed off as everyone turned to stare at him.

"Very well then…" he muttered.

Frodo was trying very hard not to run away, practically hiding under Gandalf's cloak. If only he hadn't said anything…

 **ThankYou!**

 **Pip the Dark Lord of All- THANK YOU! Yes! And there will be much more Galion (I think)!**

 **Wunderkind4006- This is totally your fau- did you just call me a spider? O_o Well. They do refer to Moriarty as a spider so I shall not take offence. YES. That is an excellent idea. I do think that major scenes will be more manageable… so yeah. That's what I'm probably going to do. *does secret salute***

 **Sixty-four K- LOL I'm glad you thought so! I really hope I keep in character *rubs hands* And YES Galion will feature in this story (I think), so you'll probably see more of him! Yeah. I agree. It will be much easier.. LOL We are in for a ride with lots of extra complaining! MUAHAHAHAH**

 **A fan of Many Stuffs- O_O I just. I can't. I can't handle that thought. Kuro/LotR. Nooooooo I can't *mind blown* Fufufufu it is rather amusing though. And Undertaker and Gollum. OMG. OMG. UNDERTAKER AND GOLLUM I JUST MUAHAHHAHAHA. Dangit Munchy. *resists temptation***

 **DeLacus- \\(*o*)/ I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT! I need to get a DeviantArt just so I can stalk stuff on there. I don't like to draw personally but I can still stalk… Yeah Tarukka XD it means 'horned one' because I was being lazy.**

 **Guest: YES KINSLAYING. I SHALL KINSLAY ALL. MUAHAHAHAH! Keep reviewing XD**

 **Myvanwy- R-right there *points up* Don't kill me please?**

 **UnicornofPrismRainbow- YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME! WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE IT HIPSTER UNICORN OF THE TRIPLE RAINBOW? XD XD But yes… follow heart… WHAT DID YOU PUT IN MY TEA. *threatens with Undertaker* P.S. I need to catch up on your story D:**

 **THANK YOU FOLLOWERS AND FAVORITERS! I LOVE SEEING ALERTS FROM YOU GUYS!**

 **Review! It gives me inspiration!**

 **Overlord Rousdower out_**


	3. Chapter 3

Thranduil, perched delicately on upon a rock, watched in disdain as the knight of Rohan trained the halflings to fight. He could not believe how utterly _bored_ he was.

"Galion, where's my wine?"

Galion sighed, wondering how he had gotten dragged along on this horrible quest. To make it worse, nobody considered him an actual member! Thranduil called him a _pack mule,_ for Eru's sake. He was, in fact, so done, that he was in the midst of a very in-depth plan, involving him sneaking away once they reach Lothlorien. His only excuse was that since he was not considered a part of this 'Fellowship', he could not be accused of deserting.

Yes. It was a very good plan.

Thranduil continued to lament his decision, only now he was sipping his wine.

"If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note they're not, I'd say we were taking the long way round. Gandalf, we could pass through the Mines of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal welcome."

Thranduil's head swiveled on his shoulders and he sent an acidic glare down at the dwarf seated several feet away. "If we go even within a mile of that foul place, I _will_ abandon this foolish quest and _gladly,_ " he sneered.

Gimli glared at the Elvenking, opening his mouth to retort when Gandalf interrupted. "I must.. ahem… _somewhat_ agree with Thranduil. I would not take the roads through Moria unless I had no other choice."

Gimli huffed angrily, crossing his arms as Thranduil sent him a smirk of victory.

The mock fight between the hobbits and Boromir suddenly escalated (rather ridiculously, in Thranduil's opinion) and the conversation was momentarily halted. Thranduil huffed and rolled his eyes skywards. _So bored_ …

Out of the corner of his eye, a he saw something moving, and he turned his head, raising an eyebrow at the unexpected sight.

Sam looked up. "What is that?"

Gimli snorted. "Nothing. Just a wisp of cloud."

Thranduil rolled his eyes again. What an idiot.

"It's moving fast… against the wind!" Boromir exclaimed. Oh look, another simpleton.

"It's Crebain, from Dunland…" Thranduil drawled, getting up from his seat and meandering over to a bush. "Hopefully my hair won't be _too_ ruined," he muttered, ignoring the panicked shouts of the rest of the Fellowship as he pulled his hood up and carefully crawled in, shielding his beautiful hair. Galion flailed in a split second later and Thranduil sent the butler a nasty look.

As the black birds circled around their encampment, the Elvenking sighed and rubbed a speck of dirt off his tunic. Poor Galion was huddled in a ball, staring out of the bush with wide eyes. If only he had stayed at the palace… After a few minutes more of the raucous noise, the birds finally flew away. Thranduil hastily exited the bush, drawing his sword and holding it up in front of his face so that he could fix his hair in it's reflection.

"Spies of Saruman! The passage south is being watched… We must take the Pass of Caradhras," Gandalf said ominously.

"Oh for Eru's sake," Thranduil groaned.

 **oOo**

Thranduil flounced alongside the struggling members of the Fellowship, taking careful care that the dwarf saw how easily he walked upon the snow. Galion followed meekly behind, still wondering why he was here and lugging wine, since he _still_ wasn't acknowledged as part of the Fellowship. It was almost as if he were a floating wine bottle and nothing more…

The wind whipped about their heads and the snow blew into their faces, obscuring the view of most and merely irritating others. Thranduil could feel his eyebrows getting frosty, and was irritated beyond comprehension that he couldn't get rid of it.

Frodo suddenly yelped, tumbling down the snowy slope towards Aragorn.

"Frodo!" Aragorn shouted, wading towards the fallen hobbit and helping him to his feet. Frodo immediately began shuffling through the snow, desperately looking for the Ring.

"Clumsy child…" Thranduil muttered, drawing his cloak tightly around himself. He looked over to see the man of Gondor, clutching the Ring and examining it closely.

"Boromir," the ranger warned, placing a hand upon his sword hilt..

"It is a strange fate we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing… Such a little thing," Boromir mused, seemingly bewitched by the ominous jewelry dangling from his closed fist.

"Boromir, give the Ring to Frodo!" Aragorn shouted.

Boromir shook his head, seeming to see the group around him for the first time. "As you wish. I care not." Frodo snatched the Ring from the man's hand, glaring suspiciously at him. The Fellowship continued on their tedious journey, all but the elves struggling through the snow. Thranduil begrudgingly assisted the hobbits here and there, but refused to even look at the nasty dwarf.

A sudden echoing began, and the storm seemed to intensify. Thranduil lifted his head and narrowed his eyes at the sky. "Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; nai yarvaxea rasselya!"

"Saruman knows we are here!" the Elvenking shouted, aiming his words towards the wizard. An avalanche of snow thundered down upon the unexpecting group.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain!" Aragorn hollered. "Gandalf, we must turn back!"

"No!" Thranduil and Gandalf both spoke. Gandalf glared suspiciously at the fuming Elvenking, stepping slightly out of the snow and towards the edge of the mountain, raising his arms.

"Losto Caradhras, sedho, hodo, nuitho i 'ruith!" he chanted.

"Cuiva nwalca Carnirasse; Nai yarvaxea rasselya; taltuva notto-carinnar!" Saruman's voice echoed back.

"Scum," Thranduil muttered, picking a clump of snow from his cape. Lighting cracked, and a second avalanche cascaded down. Thranduil groaned and lunged forwards and grabbed the wizard's hood, yanking Gandalf away from the edge.

"Watch your feet, Mithrandir," he spat.

"Watch your tongue, Thranduil," Gandalf retorted.

"We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!" Boromir spoke, raising his voice to near full volume and distracting both of the ancient beings.

"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!" Aragorn retorted.

"If we cannot pass over a mountain, let us go under it. Let us go through the Mines of Moria!" Gimli hollered.

Thranduil's head whipped around and he glared daggers at the dwarf. " _No_ ," he protested.

Gandalf thought for a moment, a worried look upon his face.

"Let the Ringbearer decide…"

There was a pause and Thranduil's head whipped back towards the wizard. Gandalf ignored him.

"Frodo?"

Frodo looked up just in time to see Thranduil's head ever so slowly turn towards him, eyes spitting fire. Frodo gulped and for a moment, considered just risking Caradhras.

"We will go through the mines…" he said eventually, barely able to make himself look away from the venomous Elvenking.

"So be it," Gandalf muttered.

As Thranduil stalked past the dark-haired hobbit, he leant down and hissed, "I can promise you, you will regret this decision… _halfling._ "

 **A/N: Um… hey guys. Hows it goin'? How's 2016? How's life? Can you put those axes away?**

 **Heheheh… sorry it took so long…**

 **So one thing, I'm sure you've noticed, is that I am trying to avoid using any of Legolas' lines, for obvious reasons… so yeah. LOL And now Thranduil kinda hates Frodo… uh-oh heheh…**

 **Uhhh… I will try and update this soon. This is actually surprisingly easy to write, so if I do in fact take forever to update again feel free to get those axes back out haha.**

 **Thank you to-**

 **Raykie- Pffft Heheheheheh :) Will do!**

 **Montara- Thank you! ;D**

 **Guest- nyaha! Thanks!**

 **Jane F.- LOL yeah, poor Galion has to do everything…**

 **A fan of Many Stuffs- AHAHAHAHAH… Geeeez they would have such a great time together XD Hey. Stop. Don't say things like that or I might actually do it… *mutters* Everyone is trying to overload me with plot bunnies…**

 **readergirl4985- Eheheheheh XD**

 **Thunderpig- I HATE MY AUTOCORRECT OK. IT KEEPS CHANGING THRANDUIL TO THRENODY AND IT TRIED TO CHANGE 'HALFLING' TO 'HALLOOING'**

 **Pip the Dark Lord of All- love your new avi, it totally suits your name XD Nyahahah! Thank you! I WILL CONTINUE!**

 **Emperor DeLacus- Food makes everything better, unless it's bad food then it makes everything worse… *sigh* Nyaha~~~ thank you~~!**

 **MentalHospitalBitch- Lol your name XD Thank you!**

 **PegasusWingsVW- Yeah! Hopefully it will give you lots of lols! tons of lols! buckets of lols! you'll be drowned in lols! Fufufufu~~**

 **AND TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS AND FAVORITERS, THANK YOU! HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS DON'T THINK I'M DEAD OR SOMETHING LOL.**

 **Until next time**

 **Overlord Rousdower out_**


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